Bethaand

perhaps the sea is full of angels

purely archaic beings that belong to the silt

the lost link of creation embedded in sand

and do they reach out?

or are they fallen angels, devils and demons that circle the gates of hell, the molten core

created in the darkness

because truly i do not have the space to develop ideas i am hoping from one to another

i feel adaptation is not a satisfactory reason to not make what i want to make

it feels like i'm in a light forward place for the first time in years and that is still not enough

its difficult to contextualise my work when i can only experience it in my room???
the idea is in my room always
maybe thats why i have an apprehension to film in here
cause its my bedroom, i've spent the past 9 months in here, its a womb.
also im depressed so being on camera isnt it for me

Stabat Mater - Julia Kristeva
clicking on PDF downloads it

The Reflecting SKin (Dir.)

kind of obsessed with The Reflecting Skin. the scene where they find the mummified baby and through a childs mind see an angel that was denied entry into heaven that must remain on the mortal plain. The colours. The vampires that are tasked to walk the earth

i really made a mistake coming straight back for fourth year huh

Without him I get older by the minute.

Bits of me fall off.

I get up in the morning and

half of me stays in bed.

Can't bring myself to look

in mirrors anymore.

Tell me, how old do you think I am?

Fifty?

Fifty?!

Why, what a compliment.

Oh no, I'm older than that.

I'm two hundred years old.

styisticly i dont know what i want, and i just create a mess. do i want realistic, do i want representational

The Only Lovers Left Alive (Dir. Jim Jarmusch, 2013)

The idea that once adam and eve were cast from the garden they shifted in vampires, cursed to walk the earth undying.

The Virgin too is undying, her lack of sex intrinsically connected to her everlasting existence, her unwilting body.

cursed to an eternity of hiding in the shadows, hiding from the face of god.

i feel very,, lost

adrift

living the same day over and over

i feel sore

that my joints dont entirely fit

i feel contained

sitting in a box

of the virginal body we are entitled only to the ear, the tears and the breasts
Stabat Mater - Julia Kristeva

Origins, Hyperlink Athens

immortality - its relation to religion, relation to technology, relation to memory

Yellow - Reflections on personal work.
Pink - Artist Research
blue - unformed text, thoughts, ideas etc.

B

The title of my dissertation - Visions of the Invisible

Similary to my project my dissertation looks at christian aesthetics in film and TV

I had also been relfecting on childhood on a farm, where i feel death was a massive part. I have always been sort of embarrased by my interest in death and in the body. But with this massive amount of time spent away from others i feel more comfortable to explore this side of myself.

I had been thinking of the connotations of animals in relation to religion, specificaly stock animals like sheep or cows.

Far away left is a collage of different represenations of slaughter;

Rembrant, The Slaughtered Ox (1655)
Image an abatoir
Slaughterhouse, Lovis Corinth (1893)
Diagram from stunning cattle, a common way for them to be killed
Disgarded pile of offal

Pencil and watercolour sketch of a calf - some what "jellified" which is a term my family use when refering to a newborn calf that has had developmental issues

Image created in photoshop of a sleepin lamb upon an neverending pile of wool, with bloody nose

B

Beginning fourth year, I've been interested in christian aesthetics that appear in popular culture. By that I mean Angels in movies, blood in music, looking at visuals and aesthetics you would find in the bible that has then been used in modern media. Over the summer I had time to reflect on myself and my interests and I've realised the affect religion has had on me. Being raised in part jehovah witness household, Often congregation would involve memarising religious stories so that I could remember the lessons they taught. But being so young these stories were like fantasy. The scarlet beast was a fantastical monster, when Herod threatened to split the baby was a visceral drama. I realised this imagery, and the lessons they are told to tell, had been absorbed at a subcoscious level.

The collage to the left is compromised of screen grabs from animations and Jehovah witness publications of clouds, alongside an angel graphic I found online. I wanted to create an equal playing field between the clouds, between the serentiy and the destruction. It also acts as some sort of abstract sky.

B

I had been thinking about what if celestial beings were real, how would they interact? what would their attitude towards humans be?

what would they do if they could hold us in their hands?

I'm also enjoying using watercolours for the layering techniques.

Water has been a recurring motif through out my work. Growing up on the coast, i feel, has given me an infinity for the sea and for what it holds.

As an excersise I was wondering if angels where real, tangible things where would they be and at the same time came across washed up jellyfish. The possibilty to consider sea creatures angels is there.

We have explored more of the moon than we have the depth of the ocean. And with it being the closest outside edge to the center of the earth, where hell is believed to physically be, maybe there has been a chance for escape, for pilgrimage to this side.

B

In the summer i began painting more, due to the restricitions on studio access. I wanted to capture some sort of essence of spirituality, of opptomism and connectivity.

Hands have been a motif that have come up in my work a lot. I've related them to ideas of connection, craft.

However, i'm also aware that hands are a very common visual in art, especially currently. Something about that puts me off

B

When considering connections to spirituality my first ideas centred around a large foor bath.

I've been making collages of visuals that i've collected from religious publications, archives and media.

Far left; images found online of placenta and natural rock formations. Also featured is imagery from Neon Genesis Evangelion, which was a catalyst for my renewed interest in religion. I was very taken with the shows mixture of science fiction and religious aesethics, as it explores the human condition.

Left; both images come from jehovah witness publications. the scarlet beast which, for me, is an iconic image of the bible, regardless of it’s true Meaning.

Creating these collages was an experiment in seeing how these images can be used together, I think I find it hard to combine ideas or images naturally.

B

This is an image of the remains of Mary Magdalene.

I liked the theatrical element of her display, how its almost futuristic.

I had seen an image on line of an eclipse over the sea that had mad it look like horns were rising from the horizon. I was very taken with the image and painted my own

I’m very interested in pastel colour schemes. When approaching my work I usually attach a colour to the sensation it gives me. So far it has been lilac, which I feel is a very ephemeral colour, very dreamy and spiritual. Something that taps into the subconscious.

I could not find the artist!!

but as im interperating it as an angel, i dig it. Biblically accurate representations of angels yes please.

Samuel Capps, Diana Edwards,
Exxon Tides

Drawing I made whilst in Tai Shani's talk

disembodied connection

Tai Shani

i was lucky to attend her zoom talk Feminism's occult imagination hosted by the research forum which was brilliant, i felt connected and impowered in my interests in memory and life

In regards to mary magdalene, one of the main texts I refer to is Stabat Matter by Julia Kristeva. I found it so poetic and moving as well as

Kara Walker
Fons Americanus, 2019

The fountain as a vehicle for congregation, socialising, creating a moment

In relation to christian aesthetics in popular culture, I have always been interested in gaming and spcifically the lore. I've spent hours watching lore videos. the example to the left is from the Dark souls series, which I have actually never played. Yet I'm so interested in the world, the reasoning behind it.

The conecpt of creating realities and living them out as truths has always engaged me. To me, the detail and lore that goes into media is the same that goes into religion. Not to say that either is not real, but both are interperated and translated by a team.

Apocalyptic imagery is strongly related to theological aesthetics as Armageddon is a recurring threat in the bible. As well are the numerous instances of “divine violence”, a term coined by Walter Benjamin to describe the acts of violence Gods take upon their subjects.

Images of violence that are more than physical I do feel drawn too. That were always being watched.

Marianna simnett

Marianna Simnett is an artist i've been foloowing for a long time. I first saw her work when I began working at Comar and met her in passing as I helped set up Blue Roses. Hers was the first work that I saw

Bruce Mclean
Six Sculptures, 1967

I came across this work online. I was drawn to it's imagery initally, with scenic interventions.

Space for Bath Sketches

i do not have my older sketchbooks currently

The Simple-Minded Murderer, (Dir. Hans Alfredson, 1982)

Inspired by Tai Shani

Over the christmas break I've been really getting back into watching gameplay, speicfically with not commentary. In doing this, i reflected on the thing i watched when i was younger and a game that had terrified and intrigued me with its gameplay mechanics. After some searching i discovered it was Siren: Blood Curse. After rewatching some gameplay I've been obsessed with one of its game mechanics. The enemies of the game are "Shibitios", some form of zombie. When the players character is in the area of a shibito, the screen splits showing the perspective of the moster and the player. When the one sees the other, the position of the other characters eyes is revealed by a highlight. Even when the full body is hidden, the eyes shine through.

the motif of the cross hair highlight has appeared in my work previously, inspired by animation.

It reminds me of classic cosmic horror such as the poster for the THing, which is truly iconic. The light, the body without a face

In the second week of making these, as we only have one day of studio access, was the week the studio where shut again. This means this line of thought had to be stopped two days in to creating. There is no way I could continue this in the flat due to space and suitability.

It might be best for me to move home, as there would be resources and space that could not be afforded to me in Glasgow.

Tai Shani, DC: SEMIRAMIS, 2018, performance, at Tramway, Glasgow.

The Reflecting Skin reminded me of one of my favourite movies, The Ratcatcher directed by Lynne Ramsey

When I was on my way to collect chicken wire to make the hands

I was taking pictures of my tongue and noticed how good the quality was in them, so i played a little photoshop, mixing it with other research.

at this point it is very hard to muster anything. with no space, not resources and isolation i feel very down and out. I'm spending most of my time focused on FACS writing but it's at the point now that even all this work feels empty, like i'll be sending this off into an empty void.

The site for testing through GSA was at Glasgow Uni

I WANT TO BE A MOVIE

Wings of Desire (Dir. Wim Wenders)

I WANT TO BE A MOVIE

Heather Phillipson: The Age of Love 2018,
BALTIC contemporary

with the new lockdown

With the relockdown, I've tried my hand ahain at 3D Modelling

Emilio Ambasz
Residence-au-Lac, 1983

wanted to make a visual effect where it looked like my hands merged with my legs for something

Blood In My Milk, Blue Roses

Psycho, (Dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1960)

Slavoj Zizek uses this scene, in which Detective Arbogast in murdered, to introduce Walter Benjamins idea of divine violence into the realm of media. The camera moves from a top down view into the view of the killer during the murder as if god himself was taking over their body.

Theres a connection between water and Christianity, its properties for cleansing and for rebirth. Jesus walking on water, Moses parting the red sea, the great flood.

You may need to zoom your browser window out!

Neon Genesis Evangelion, has been a big inspiration for me and my work. After watching it i wanted to explore my religious past more, i wanted to engage more with animation, with physicality and body.

Sketches inspired by the crosshair and other personal elements. Since coming home i have smelt death every-time i go to sleep, which i don't know if it is a recollection or if there is something in the room. I think coming home is reliving some elements of trauma, which is why i go back to the horror films.

One of the cameras I was able to bring home was a gopro. after taking it out for some test runs i was really drawn to it's underwater use. as I've said the sea is something that I always come back to and has had some significance towards my work

this is probably my favourite video i took. When the camera begins to film at a more upwards angle and catches the reflections of the sky and water i think is beautiful. I would really like to get more footage like that but unfortunatly the gopro is back in glasgow now. I'm enquiring with a friend to borrow hers.

trying to utilise what resources i have around, i experimented with using sand as a mould and mixing plaster with sea water.

it worked to an extent, the sand was wet which made making imprint hard and if not packed tight enough, it would break under the weight of the plaster mix. I would do

Cornelia Parker,
The Maybe, (1995)

Im not sure what the exact catalyst (it was before i read the chapters on sleep) was but whilst reading phantasmagoria by Marina Warner recently I had an idea for this, platform i've been calling it. It would be a structure place outside and an invite for people to lie down upon it, where upon the would be forced to look straight ahead at the sky.

I feel like it speaks to the idea of control i touch upon from my FACS, the ideas on individual perspective and reality. I also think its very.. dreamy (I hate the word sorta), its very idealic and lovely.

There is something else in here that speaks to the idea of watching the skies as a sign of salvation or desolation.

Some notes from the building process. This is the first large scale thing i have made in wood, let alone the largest thing i've probably ever made.

For materials i'm using basically what i can find currently. I'm lucky that my family are borderline hoarders so there is plenty of material around. aiming for it to be at a 45' angle.

I am undecided over the overall shape. The sketch to the right looks way too much like a toilet sign. However cutting something more abstract comes with it's own issues as the head will need support put in place.

Being able to create from home has made me realise how anxious the workshops and studios at STOW make me. its more my insecurity rather than an issue with the school but its still i avoid making my ideas because the settings make me uncomfortable. There is too much noise in the workshops, too open.

Starting to play around with the footage from the gopro. I saw an album cover with a blue cutout i quite liked so applied it to the footage. I think it's good but there are often shots of the camera resurfacing which kinda breaks some emersion. I took some time to cut these frames out but it just makes it more choppy. If i get another shot at a gopro i would love to have more continues shots underwater.

I have a small bouy that i would attatch the gopro too so it does not rely on me holding it for the full duration of the filming.

Attempt one: I desinged the fingers too curled which made arving difficult. I also dropped it which broke one off

Odilon Redon, The Temptation of Saint Anthony, Everywhere Eyeballs are Aflame, 1888

messing around with the circle mask, i landed on this dilated pupil shape, which i thought was an interesting way to relate back to my earlier sketches of eyes in the sky.

It kind of creates the sense that the video is watching back.

Christopher Bucklow, Guest

Also been reading thorugh another essay by Marina Warner, The Inner Eye, which accompanies a 1996 exhibition which she curated. The revolved around ideas of "making secret visions visible", to ponder of the hidden facets of our world.

The Redon etching has a clear relation to some of my own drawing, the idea of eyes in the sky, that the sky is some sort of tool for a higher being.

Progress shots

as you can see in the background my workspace is in the mouth of the farm shed, which can make working difficult.

Reza Abdoh, KW institute, Berlin

Some screenshots from the gopro footage

before a second clean with water, the hands are again mis-shapen but there is actually some good detail, especially in the cast on the right.

im trying to listen to recurring ideas, ones that makes them selves appear at different times.

last year when my work was specifically focused on cattle and humans, i had an idea for a font where the water would pool into a cast of human hands. in that moment there was no way to create this sculpture so my mind moved on, i had pretty much forgotten about them.

Till i was thinking again about the hands i had made in the sand, my body of research, my farm labour, i realised now was the time to really try and make it.

my planning hasnt been too detailed, i just wanted to again experiment with casting with the sand. I knew the general shape i need for the water to pool and how to achieve that in dense sand. I had also planned to create a negative space where a pipe would go on the finished cast for the water.

The Bride of Frankenstein, Dir. James Whale, 1935

after these crits i've taken a little mental break. thursday we had our first lambs a month early, a set of small twins. the smallest died on the friday night. saturday the first calf on the farm was born, the mum prolapsed badly, i had to assist the vet put it back in. the cow died shortly after the procedure was finished so we now have a orphan calf. just a lot of upsetting things happening so my heads out of the game.

some notes from the crits.

during the crit someone made a comment about the meeting of my two previous workds, the slab and the video, that the video is almost like that you would see if the slab was placed into the water and the head was held upside down.

This sparked an idea for an underwater viewing box. I have seen an installation recently where they use